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Jokes Archives
February 10, 2007
New Jokes
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris!
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down!
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding!
March 10, 2007
Three penguins
Three penguins were standing on the top of a snow-covered hill. The first penguin said, "I think I'll try to slide down the side of this hill." So he jumped with a loud "WHEEE!", and down he went. The second penguin said, "Hey, that looks like fun." So he jumped down with a yell of "Wheee!" and down he went. The third penguin said, "Well, I guess I can do that , too." He jumped off and screamed, "I'M A RADIO!!!"
If anyone gets this joke, plz. leave a comment.
November 10, 2007
Blonde Jokes
Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake. One blonde yells to the other, “How do you get to the other side?” The other blonde replied, “You are on the other side!”
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says, "That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
A Russian , an American, and a blonde were talking. The Russian said “We were the first in space.” The American said “We were the first ones on the moon.” The blonde said, “So what, we’re going to be the first ones on the sun.” The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot. You’ll burn up.” Then the blonde said “We’re not stupid you know, we’re going at night.”
A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she
returns and asks a different clerk. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. the blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says, "That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
February 7, 2009
Jokes 2/09
Speeding Ticket
"A police officer stopped a blonde for speeding and asked her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'"
In a Vacuum
"A blonde was playing 'Trivial Pursuit' one night. On her turn, she rolled the dice and she landedon 'Science and Nature'. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is the vacuum on or off?'"
December 3, 2009
Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out
Inflation: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper
Raisin: Grape with a sunburn
March 13, 2010
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of bald men?
How much deeper would the oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn
July 3, 2010
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asker her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and the other Timex. Her friend said, “whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?” “HELLLOOOOOOO…,” answered the blonde, “they’re watch dogs!”
Some goofy things:
-If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
-A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
-We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
-Thieves who steal corn from a cornfield could be charged with stalking.
-To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
These fit so well they ought to be in a dictionary!!
-ADULT: a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is not growing in the middle.
-BEAUTY PARLOR: a place where women curl up and dye.
-CANNIBAL: someone who is fed up with people.
-CHICKENS: the only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
-COMMITTEE: a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
“Why do we wash bath towels? Aren’t we clean when we use them?”
“Why doesn’t glue sick to the inside of the bottle?”
“Why is it called after dark when really it is after light?”
“Why are wise man and wise guy opposites?”
“Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in suitcases?”
“If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?”
“Why do slow down and slow up mean the same thing?”
“Why do we saying something is out of whack? What is a whack?”
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay people to do it?”
“If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?”
“Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?”
“How come abbreviated is such a long word?”
February 7, 2011
Fun Jokes!
“When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds”
“When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye”
“I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then is hit me.”
“Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest”
January 10, 2013
Humor!
Tom, dick and Harry went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high.
Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Tom will crack jokes.
The second 200 stories Dick will tell a happy story and lastly, Harry will tell a sad story. They then started up the steps.
After two hours, it was Harry's turn. He turned to the other two and said, "Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs."
________________________________________________________________________
Two kindergarten kids are talking while having a lunch break.
Girl: What is the capital of America?
Boy: Washington, D.C.
Girl: No! "A" is the capital of America. You already forgot our lesson: capitalize proper nouns.
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